Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
