I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
