I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
