I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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