Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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