Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
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