I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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