I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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