I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
