What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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