Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize