College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
