U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
