dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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