You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
