So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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