i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize