He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is the high leading the old right now
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dick very happy bro
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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