Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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