I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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