The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
