I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
