epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
