I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
