Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize