I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
