I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
