oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
