You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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