Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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