I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
