he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
