Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
