Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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