so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
