Can i not drive my cunt home
This is not my ceiling
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
