there was a trapeze. enough said
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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