I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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