i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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