wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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