Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
