take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
