Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
