my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
