She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
