next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
