Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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