I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We named our party play list daddy issues
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize