I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
