So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my poor anus
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
