it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
