You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
