Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
