mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
