the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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