You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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