I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize