We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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