I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
