Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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