I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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