girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dignity is for republicans.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
