I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
