I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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