I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I love you. Go after that dick
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
