...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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