I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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