I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
