i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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