Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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