i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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