Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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