Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
