There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
