If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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