i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize