Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
