How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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