i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
