Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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