I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
