Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You can't motorboat a personality
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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