I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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