just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
