I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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