your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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