wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
