Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
