if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
