I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
