Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
