im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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