you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize