It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
