U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
