there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
