Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
