i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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