What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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