FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were trust falling into bushes
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
