I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
