I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
